Women In Distress

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[Daniel]

I don't know who's smarter in maintaining that social order, the ones precariously balancing themselves in the tree or the ones huddling together on the ground. The brown one is the cream of the crop no doubt, just don't slip!

[Jana]

I suppose it is not "where" you are on the pyramid but "how" you are. It is how you carry yourself through the survival dementia of the relentlessly fight for status. Hoping or wanting it to be different is pointless. The fundamental key to liberation is that our heart must be free from the power wrangling of humans. And the best way to free the heart is to drop the mind, focus on opening the petals of the heart, and filling the body with breath and light. By becoming sovereign we prevent the cortisol damage, brain and heart damage that weakens our immunity and makes us vulnerable to base animal and reptilian programmed behavior. An upright mind focused on quality and value, plus a grateful heart is the ultimate weapon against the Borg. For nothing means anything without love.

[Daniel]

Jana, thanks for the reorientation in life's priorities. Always there, so commonly forgotten.

To be "In the world but not of it" is the most daunting challenge anyone could undertake.

Dan

[Jana]

Its either that or Go Postal!
And from the top of the pyramid is a good vantage point for snipering.

Truth doesn't win out in the land of the ignorant. Rather it is the tenaciousness with  which a group holds onto its stupidity despite all evidence to the contrary that wins. This is the power behind life destroying culture and hivemind. However, there is no joy in setting about to try and save, fix or awaken the "ignorant masses" at the expense of our own life. The burden is too great and we are often given a pie in the face for our efforts. If we are forever trying to heal and make better, it is never "good enough now." Instead we need to examine what truly awakens our heart, clarify our desires, design our days, and make our life our Art!

[Daniel]

We need to examine what truly awakens our heart, clarify our desires, design our days, and make our life our Art!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLZMMk8KZSU

[Daniel]

Something I would like to see Robert Augustus Masters http://www.robertmasters.com/home.htm address in his writings is Women in Distress and the men they attract. He talks about Meeting The Dragon. Good analogy for pain and suffering. Working along the lines of that image I also see the knight with sword in hand facing the beast. A classic element that goes hand in hand is of course with the knight in shining armor is saving the Damsel in Distress from the dragon (Hilariously dramatized in "Shrek")  Damsel in Distress equates to Women in Distress. I haven't read all of Roberts works; perhaps he has addressed this weakness in men.

[jimtzu]

is this really a weakness or just part of the make up of being a compassionate being?  if it's the sole reason for being attracted to someone it can be disfunctional, but to see someone you love and care about in distress does touch the heart in a deep way. women,of course, also have this in their emotional dna, almost to a fault in a stereotypical kind of way. what does this say about one person being attracted to another's distress, subjective vs. subjective?

[Jana]

You can look at it in terms of biochemistry. They say it is our livers and immune systems that "fall in love" with one another...I personally think it is the DNA behind our intelligence, appearance and biology that makes a "match" for us. Thus when we are keyed in on an organic level to "saving" someone whose DNA resonates with us, but who is in distress, we may be responding to the distress call from the DNA itself. The wiring from our parents gets triggered in romantic relationship and so we may initially tend toward acting out good little boy or good little girl when we encounter the rare opportunity of an intimate relationship. Because we are largely a prepersonal culture and as children of narcissists we may feel unworthy of love and attention and subconsciously think we have to work (do chores) in order to be loved and seen. As we move into sovereignty we will be drawn to others not so much because they "need" us, but out of compatible spiritual vocation. A sovereign won't reject someones needs, but they are primarily attracted to another by the potential for cocreativity  rather than the need for approval or to be of "use" to another.

Thus in a sense we are only compulsively pulled into acting as savior, we we have within us the subconscious desire for a parent, messiah, or savior ourselves. The way to consciously extract ourselves from all this messy savior business is to calmly parent ourselves and to reinforce the self-help, self-parent faculties of others by respecting their sovereignty...knowing that the only security there is is sovereignty.

[Jane]

Distress.... I've been thinking about this.  We all have distress from time to time in our lives.  Learning to stay present and problem solve/ self soothe/ get help /etc is part of growing, evolving, maturing. 

What is disturbing in part about DISTRESS is how for me (and for perhaps many of us) it was woven into my psychological makeup in such away that DISTRESS itself has been an 'attractor'.  I have liked IT!  I have liked distress in others because it gave me a role of being useful, and in part I liked it in myself too, because it has been a diversion from the humdrum, deathly boredom of 'nothing ever happens here in mudville'.  I come from a family where several members have been referred to by other members as 'emotional pyromaniacs'..... it is quite amusing to generate the situations where the pyre is set up and the gasoline poured on and the match surreptitiously thrown into the mix. 

There are circumstances that arise beyond our control.  At the same time, there are patterns of behaviour that we will forever generate until we learn to truly witness our own involvement. 

I would venture to say, that there is NOTHING attractive about the category of 'women in distress' or 'men in distress' for any person who has engaged their own lives and come to terms with what is motivating them.  I would venture to say that all people attracted to DISTRESS (in whatever form it dresses up in) have some serious self esteem issues that need to be addressed.  Similarly, these distress-loving people will have underlying core beliefs like 'I am not enough', 'I must prove that I am worthy by being useful'.....and thusly  these people will be attracted to circumstances that allow them to try once again to 'solve the distress problem' and prove themselves enough or worthy once and for all.  And of course, the world does not work that way.  The more stress any person manages, the more stress will arrive on their doorstep to challenge their new and amazing capacity for distress. 

Similarly, a 'woman in (chronic) distress' is some version of a victim and any attempts to solve her victim-ness from the outside will have the reverse effect of upping the ante of how and why she is a victim.  This is basic codependency.  In the victim cycle, victims are invested in their own victim-ness.  The only way out of these cycles from what I have learned is to truly want to wake up out of these painful cycles and wake up into self-response-ability.

For those of us with saviour complexes, the fear of losing status among the people who judge and laud saviors can be large.  The fear of contracting into some hard-hearted soul lacking compassion may also be large.  The fear of showing up in my own life, with a deep compassion for myself and be willing to take my deepest truths into account in my interactions with everyone else, can be overwhelming.  I am thinking of Nurse Kratchet in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest...and the scene with Billy after his wonderful night with Jack's friends.  The internal and external voices of reproach can be so overwhelming that suicide might seem preferable to standing for myself in the truth that I am entitled to a life of abundance and joy and pleasure and whatever else might come along, just because I exist. However,  stand for myself is what I must do if I want to evolve and grow both myself and the planetary consciousness.  I must be dedicated to showing up full alive and functional in my own life.  I must deeply question and heal the places in myself that are 'attracted' to distress. 

And this is not to say that as a healthy person,  I will not act responsively and compassionately to people in distress.  I am kind and loving, this is my deep nature.... Unlearning the martyr model I was mentored in as a child/woman/doctor is done by refusing to be kind and loving to others at the expense of myself.  It is time to turn the dynamics in all relationships into a dynamic where each and every one of us count, each and every one of us are needed, and we are all needed not as half baked, constricted, partially emotionally-amputated ghosts of what our real potentials are, we are needed full alive and vibrant, shadows and all, works in progress showing up as all of this. .....it is not only time for all of us to show up, but it is essential to the next phase of our evolving.
much love Jane

[Jana]

Lets face it, we in Borg society are afraid to claim our true power because we have been taught enfeeblement, self-denial, compensatory addiction, and the dire need to be "useful." We are trying to fit our multidimensional being into a pathological social design and trying to run from the distress that this causes us.

The Pre-Personal/Presovereign and Rejection

The main premise of Awakening Sovereignty is that the biochemistry of rejection and exclusion both maintains the pyramid structure of society and keeps the majority of humanity in an immature, unrealized or Borg state. As a force of social deconstruction rejection serves to weaken self-esteem, undermine self-worth and keeps people compliant, approval seeking and uncreative. The dehumanizing brain debilitating phenomena of power dynamic damage is brought about by the negative biochemical effects of rejection and self-rejection. The repercussions of this include diminished higher brain capacities, the body-mind schism, low self-care, negative coping mechanisms, relatibility problems and the overall collapse of our ability to maintain a dignified social order. The resultant stress chemistry disrupts inner homeostasis and brings about the degenerative complex, but it also disconnects us from union with nature and hence the natural gnostic wisdom that it affords. The larger picture of the consequences of Borg society is that humanity is dying of self-hatred and we are killing the planet in the process.  Because of the importance of this line of reasoning I continue the subject in “Rejection = Lobotomy.”

If you come from a family that was not actively “inclusive” you may have to work at showing up and including ourself in your own life. Without active inclusion or love, we may forever subconsciously reject ourselves, seek to be invisible and not be responsive to our own existence…that is have low self-esteem. People who feel bad about themselves are especially vulnerable to rejection. Self-esteem acts as a regulator that activates negative emotions when signs of exclusion occur. Rejection by a group of people can have especially negative effects, particularly when it results in social isolation. By creating community-less urban environments the sense of isolation guarantees an underlying sense of pain and deprivation, which keeps populations in the consumptive, insatiable mode. Researchers found that the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex, that is tissue around the corpus callosum, becomes active when people are experiencing both physical pain and social pain. Social ostracism is one the most brutal punishments because our intense sensitivity to the negative opinions of others, such that we record our emotional wounds in the same part of the brain as actual physical pain. The context of stored pain in our neuromusculature leads to hypersensitivity to perceived interpersonal rejection which predestines us to significant social impairment as a consequence.

Other brain areas that respond to social rejection are the posterior cingulate, the parahippocampal gyrus, and the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex. Furthermore, individuals who are high in rejection sensitivity show less activity in the left prefrontal cortex and the right dorsal superior frontal gyrus, which may indicate less ability to modulate emotional responses to rejection, plus a tendency to depression as a coping mechanism. In fact perceived maternal rejection even modifies dopaminergic genes leading to depression. Depression can arise as the negative perception of a major decline in personal usefulness, that can sometimes be linked to guilt, shame or perceived rejection. Rejection can also result in disorders such as autism, schizophrenia and attention deficit. Individuals that feel rejected experience a range of negative emotions, including frustration, intense anger, and eventually, resignation, and despair. Romantic rejection is a particularly painful emotional experience that appears to trigger a response in the caudate nucleus of the brain, and associated dopamine and cortisol activity.

[Jana]

Since we neurologically store the pain of rejection in a similar way to physical pain, our rejection imprint can impact our subsequent relationships. Our subconscious rejection imprint may for example cause us to exclude ourselves out of a romantic relationship if there is a rival for the same partner. This is so because the pain of losing a intimate partnership is chronic, while the pain of having to face a “third person out” rejection scenario is acute, and so we will reject ourselves out of the equation in order to avoid the severe shock pain and anaesthetization. Furthermore if we were the third sibling of the same sex we are likely to have a deeply subconscious “third person out” imprint if our parents were not actively encouraging their children in inclusion principles, stories and practices. Throughout our lives we are then likely to do “third person out” on ourselves in a myriad of situations without realizing it, and as a consequence, never really feel part of the human race, nor tacitly understand relationships.

This can also serve to make us into a Global Codependent as we try to administer to others in order to win their approval, while our body is permanently trying to reject us out of the equation. When this happens there is little pleasure in giving, as it is tied together in the rejection wound complex…and healing cannot be bought about through unconscious, compulsive giving, instead it just leads of victimhood and martyrdom. Healing the rejection wound can be achieved through meditation, sungazing, swimming, binaural music, juggling, martial arts and ambidextrous activity that balances the brain hemispheres. Left-handed and ambidextrous people have 11% larger corpus callosa (the bundle of nerve fibers joining the right and left sides of the brain) than right handed people. We can actively build up our corpus callosa and mend the fragmentation within through integrative practices. Writing or drawing with the opposite hand, reading books on inclusivity and joining social groups focused on principles of “The One” may also help overcome the propensity to helplessness, deprivation, rejection and self-criticism. By healing our rejection imprint through mindful reparenting we can go from a life of feeling abandoned, and unloved to one of self-discovery and the full appreciation of our existence.

www.questforself.com/  — Peter Michaelson. In our psyche, we have emotional attachments to unresolved negativity. Advanced psychotherapy goes deep into our psyche to expose and eliminate unresolved conflicts that are hidden from our awareness.
www.ibponline.org/ —INTEGRATIVE BODY PSYCHOTHERAPY – IBP
Body, Self & Soul: Sustaining Integration by Jack Lee Rosenberg, PhD; with Marjorie L. Rand, PhD, and Diane Assay
The Intimate Couple by Jack Lee Rosenberg, PhD, and Beverly Kitaen Morse, PhD

[Nickeson]

Jane, Daniel, Jana,

I appreciate all that you have contributed here. And so I have a minor comment or two.

I have found, personally and in the experience of others that those who were raised in an atmosphere of compassion, love, respect, acceptance, affection,  and les bons temps rouler! are going to be magnets for those who can't remember anything other than a couple of traumatic and debasing Christmas mornings between the time of birth and eight months past the 8th birthday. And these people do not have to be raised in the ethos of the martyr to have their veins exposed and have the demand put forth, bleed for me! I do not think that it is a pathological response for the fortunate one to say, "I'll do it for you!." Only if that same response is still in effect 10 years later and nothing really fundamental has changed, can that particular, open-veined reply be characterized as codependent and pathological.

No one can do another's work. To bring it down to the current vernacular--Not every one has to escape the Borg because they have never been within that fictional grasp. Those who are, however, have to do it on their own. The fortunate few can consult, but never should they descend to the baseline because not only is the package rescue  a totally feckless operation,  it is a blasphemy in the beloved and respectful face of those who gave you all that love and respect coming in.

As Carl Sandburg once wrote: Let the dead bury the dead.

[marianthi]

´´No one can do another's work. To bring it down to the current vernacular--Not every one has to escape the Borg because they have never been within that fictional grasp. Those who are, however, have to do it on their own.´´ Steven.

Truth always seeks how to speak ! 

[marianthi]

An observation on the endless´bleed for me´call,  when it doesn´t stop  till the casket is shut.

It´s true, the ´victim´ calls for sympathy or calls for ´recognition of uniqueness´ by the crime suffered.
But,  the repeat presentation of the crime, that he or she gets stuck on, is often a recruit campaign for downright bloody, repeated stabbing of the perpetrators of it.    The stabbing is multiplied with each new sympathizer.  A satisfying triumph for a while. 

But is it ever enough? 

Sometimes, for the victim,  the damage caused and pain endured makes it ´Never enough!´  Sigh.

[Nickeson]

Good God! There has never been a woman as wise as she who just wrote that above!