Women In Distress

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Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. ~ Kin Hubbard

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[Jane]

"I have found, personally and in the experience of others that those who were raised in an atmosphere of compassion, love, respect, acceptance, affection,  and les bons temps rouler! are going to be magnets for those who can't remember anything other than a couple of traumatic and debasing Christmas mornings between the time of birth and eight months past the 8th birthday. And these people do not have to be raised in the ethos of the martyr to have their veins exposed and have the demand put forth, bleed for me! I do not think that it is a pathological response for the fortunate one to say, "I'll do it for you!." Only if that same response is still in effect 10 years later and nothing really fundamental has changed, can that particular, open-veined reply be characterized as codependent and pathological."

I am thinking of this now, about what constitutes the pathology in this 'attraction to distress'.....I would agree Steven, that it is not just the broken-boundaried, martyr-prone among us that can and will be drawn into the 'let me bleed for you cycle'....  More than that, each of us are attracted to situations that will provide us with the fodder we need for our own growth and evolution, and perhaps especially those situations that will nurture compassion.   And as part of this growth, we all need to wake up to the patterns of the victim-perpetrator cycle, and that means the fortunates need to wake up every bit as much as the ones wallowing in the Borg(so to speak).  There are also many qualities that attract us to person aside from their distress-quotient.  Those qualities may draw us into the gravitational sphere of another; the distress just might be a peripheral feature which seems to be palatable given  the whole context.  In a dynamic, healthy relationship of mutuality and reciprocity, with both people  showing up fully with emotional availability, representing respective needs and wants, Distress would be easily addressed... as my grandfather used to say: "God gave you pain to keep your finger out of your eye and your hand out of the fire."  Distress is information in this case, and when addressed openly with vulnerability and curiosity, it like everything, can serve to deepen intimacy.  I am assuming that "a fortunate" would not get drawn into the chronic cycle, or would quickly tire of it if they were, but clearly this is not always the case. 

In any event, it is pathological, in my view, to prefer a burned hand or a blinded eye over one without the ailment.  And I think this is what Daniel is talking about.  

I am reminded right now of Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tale, The Littlest Mermaid.  What a complex story that was to read as a little girl, and what fury I felt that the Prince basically dumped the Littlest Mermaid who not only saved his life, but also got her hair cut off, lost  her tail, had her tongue cut out and then, the creme de la creme, walked with horrible pain of knives sticking into her feet with every step she took merely to be with him(but not really be with him, just sort of tag behind him, a mute little amusement)!  The Prince loved the littlest Mermaid in his way so the story goes, but she was certainly not 'partnering' material, not someone he would want to marry.  The mermaid dissolved into sea foam at the end of the story, as I recall.  Oh Brother!  I wonder if anyone has ever written a thesis on the horrible message this tale and others like it, implant in the tender-hearted 8years 8month old girl readers like myself.   Back in the day, I naturally sympathized with the little sweetie, long-suffering mermaid.  Likewise, of course, I had righteous fury at the prince.  Retrospectively, I wish I had been taught a message about having 'heathy boundaries, and self responsibility' for the little mermaid, rather than getting the message that 'All princes are callous bastards that will dump you when something better comes along no matter how you have wounded yourself and suffered on their behalf but if you really love them you will have to prove it by all manner of dismemberment anyway.  Sucks to be you!'  (I am not entirely sure how this fits into the Women in Distress topic, but it does!)  sigh. double sigh.

I agree with you too Marianthi, and also with Steven about being the wisest!
love Jane

[Jana]

• Self Pity—Stop the self pity story, its just a mechanism the ego uses to prevent you from integrating our full power, by telling yourself you are a victim and are not strong enough. If you stop doing the weak thing, you will naturally become stronger. Few are given the opportunity of the alchemical grace to transform themselves, so be a hero and treat your energy as your ally instead of your enemy. Stop fighting your Self and your body, mind, soul and quest will come into alignment. Or conversely, if you don't surrender and claim mastery, you could spin your metaphysical wheels for eternity getting nowhere. The fragmented self is loath to choose.

• Learned Helplessness—The technology and cultural structures we have built as partial, unbalanced humans are unsupporting to all life. We have to relearn how to create self-sustaining community, and to pull our money and livelihood out of the mainstream systems. Otherwise the overheads required just to merely survive will make noble human life impossible, and the stress load will eat away at our health and undermine our creativity. Rather than merely observing the train wreck of civilization in horror, we must set about creating the world that we "want" to live in and that makes sense to us. Thus we can be informed about the aspects of the apocalypse as it unveils, but we must always see through metaview eyes to know that sane and spiritual human culture is possible and that we in our daily lives are working towards that end.

[Jane]

Well, I may not have graduated into sovereignty sufficiently Jana, but I DO want to be 'bothered' by it.  I find people exquisite, even the ones with whom I don't much get along.  I am in awe that we have been traveling together since the moments after the primordial fireball(or however that might have worked) over the time terrain of 13.7 billion years, through the soul scape to birth THIS moment in which our capacity for appreciation, and reflection are like none other that have come before.  I feel an immense gratitude for every being that has shown up to people(peep hole, as Kurt Vonnegut might say) my life, even when I am resistant.   I need All of it to wake up, and likewise, All of it provides me with a deeper glimpse into this awesome adventure.
love Jane

Jana, you  changed your posting above..

[marianthi]

Jane,
Thanks for the sweet comment.

I too recall ´The little Mermaid´and her pain.  She actually wants to win the prince, marry him and receive a human soul in the process, one that goes to heaven,  exchanging it for the mermaid soul she has that is destined to dissolve into the sea after 300 or so years of frolicking about.

I took it all to be a longing for transmutation and wholeness - and all the pain and apparent wrong turns  that eventually turn right.  Mind you, I was already an adult when I first read the story. 

The little mermaid eventually becomes one of the daughters of the air and lives in their happy realm with the prospect of gaining a soul for herself, one that will take her to God, because she refuses to kill the prince and return to live out her mermaid status. 

That poor prince lived life in the shallows, blinkered, misdirected and the rest.  He didn´t get nearly as much out of his own existence as she did of hers.  We´re not told what will become of his soul.  I do wonder, after the way he lived.

[Jane]

I just Wikipedia'd the Littlest Mermaid.... I guess there were two endings, and there has already been a lot of scholarly opinion on the tale, including the feminist concerns.....
It is all interesting in the context of the Calling In The One course I am doing.  It seems that so much of what has passed as acceptable behaviour by all of us, has really been very immature:  All the gnashing of teeth, and chopping of hair, and weeping at the desertion and abandoment by those people 'out there' who surely hold the keys to our redemption.
When in truth,  I really am called to grow the skills to keep myself safe, to have healthy boundaries, to nurture and move into my fullest voice and my true power.....and none of this has to do with self-sacrifice and mutillation, indeed, quite the opposite.... 
It is confounding though, the intoxication we experience, like the strongest most delightful drug, when we 'fall in love' to some ONE out there.....no mountain is too high, no voice too precious---all can be expended for the sake of that Beloved. 
So it is here at this venture that every traveller must pause for however long it takes, and find the Beloved Within.  Each of us is called to truly fall in love with our own unique and glorious, cosmos-given manifestation of spirit on this earth..... and this is not a Narcissistic, mirrored reflection that I must fall in love with, but the very am-ness of being here, the very taste of honey upon my tongue, the very breath breathing softly into my lungs, the very caress of my skin by the wind...all this exquisite nuance as it pertains to me in this moment beckons to me----and I must then stand for myself, for my moment; I must take up my space in being here fully, entitled and proud and humble too, knowing that my very existence is a gift to the universe.  Anchored in this place, as a true alive subject in my own life, I am prepared to meet all the other glorious subjects who have also arrived to share this amazing place, to 'roam freely together'. 
As Thomas Berry said, "We are not a collection of objects.  We are a communion of subjects." and thusly, the whole of creation becomes the Beloved.   

[Jana]

Awesome Jane.

The deeper regenerous perspective is that we are not a gift to the Universe, but a gift of the Universe. The fruit of cosmogenesis if you will. Sovereignty is the exploration of the gift that we are and the universe in all its mystery. If we voluntarily put ourselves in harms way, engage in pathological relationships, or permit ourselves the victim role, then we diminish the gift of God that we are. Although choosing the gift of rising to all we can be is volitional, the diminishment of our being is largely influenced by our environment, other people and culture. Thus sovereignty is that power of personal choice necessary to maintain, grow and divine our soul despite internal and external opposition.

 ‘Human beings are here to remember themselves, with conscious awareness and with complete understanding of their innate connection to the Universe.’  T. Taylor.

Once sovereigns develop full individuality, if they formed into groups of whole persons they would have a godlike power to create, alter and shape things on Earth to be more life sustaining and to preserve and enhance the gift of human existence. As we let go of the old animal methods of holding our humanity down, a visionary zeitgeist will emerge and Spirit liberated and revealed through time.

[Jane]

Thanks Jana,
Indeed, we are a gift to the universe, from the universe and this is a suspenseful, splendid, mysterious, often gut-wrenching, pin-you-to-the edge-of-your-seat, Cosmis game of hide and seek and evolve....the evolutionary part keeps us from ever really knowing what or who is about to arrive at our doorstep.
Jane

[marianthi]

Girls,

You´ve  just about killed  soap operas, love novels, chocolates in a box and revenues of the the paper tissues industries. 

The list is longer and the night is late.  I´ll go dream of my ishta devata and see what we get up to.
M.

 

[Jana]

It is hopeless to set about "fixing" the Borg. Instead we focus first on stopping our own suicide, not abandoning ourselves and redeeming our deep humanity. There is something much more profound afoot than soap operas, love novels, boxes of chocolates and paper tissues. The perfect romance of the Self and the choice to permit ourselves the full life. The glorious peace of vocational dharma and communion without sexual distraction or desire. Fifty-plus is a permanent radiant sunset, where anticipation is continually subsumed by the bliss of inner completion.

[Jane]

Well, I am curious what you will return with, Marianthi.

Hmmm, and Jana, I am also curious as to why you would write "without sexual distraction or desire". 
To me, you sound a bit like my mother, and I object!  

It may be that there are some among us who really do abhor touch, and really do have nada going on in their loins, but these people are few and far between, and not necessarily Borg-free, so to speak. More likely, they have a form of autism, have had a stroke, or are in some severe stress state percolating with cortisol.   I do not care to emulate them.  Otherwise, sex, physical touch and intimacy is a wonderful  expression in the entire repertoire of being here.  As Satish Kumar said: "Touch this body. Kiss these lips. Our bodies are not here to keep us apart, but so that we can find each other."

In retrospect, I have spent far too much of my life in a self-imposed celibacy, and really, eventually, I have gotten lonely.  I love sex.  I love being touched. I love touching. I love it all. The largest organ of our bodies is our skin, brimming with all manner of sensors and receptors, arriving through these long 13.7 billion years to this moment, and now waiting to be caressed and kissed, to love and be loved. Our presence here is not meant to be an adventure of dulling or denying the body with any manner of depravation, certainly not of sexual touch. Quite the opposite!

It may be hard to imagine sexual communion as free from damaging or limiting consequences, but imagine it as such, we are invited to do.  As that sweetie Rumi offered:  "There are lovers content with Longing. I am not one of those." 

love Jane 

[Jana]

Yes, but when because of biology one has longed for a partner for 40 years, accidentally passed over the only one, had two kundalini awakenings and has a global job to do, is not exposed to attractive males and is very unique...nature gives one a break...by removing desire and longing. This is an awesome reprieve, a new lease on life, delicious...
  sexually active humans cannot understand the peace and sanity that comes with being freed from the impulse. I feel sorry for those still engaged in the dream.

[Jane]

Ha, you sound a lot like me in much of your resume..... Despite our similarities, I also don't feel overwhelmed or burdened by desire or longing any more than I sense these have been 'removed'.   I feel peaceful and sane.  I don't have any sense that I am caught is a dream/nightmare as related to finding the Beloved in a human/male form, as I have been much of my somewhat tortuous life.....and I am feeling a deep, deep delight in what is present in my life. I have put every bit as much energy unconsciously into keeping love out of my life(perhaps more) as I have consciously pined to invite it in.  It has taken a long time to see how I was generating this circumstance.  Now, love smove, it is what it is, and I am standing for it.  I am actually convinced that this area of  loving relationships among sovereign, vibrant, awake and committed people is the greatest awakening we can attend to now.  I see it everywhere. 

I have been loving many lectures lately.  One by Leslie Temple-Thurston speaks to this awakening beautifully: http://sacredawakeningseries.com/ctugbdwkqjnhystobvde  .  Also the work of Arjuna Ardaagh, http://awakeningworldseminars.com/ , is just beautiful in this regard as well..... And also, Marianne Williamson in Enchanted Love also is so lovely here.  Everywhere I look these days, it seems, I see people coming out of the woodwork mentoring and modeling what it truly means to stand for love, to show up for love.   I was at a wonderful workshop with Sophia Diaz over New Year's too,  and how awesome and how powerful this magnificent Feminine is..... I laughed when she said something like, 'when any of us really show up in our true radiance we mop up the world with the left lip of our vagina.  That is how powerful we are!" 

I have loved watching you at play here too over the years..... I love the men who have show up to play with you, and they are all attractive men! from how I see it....Indeed, they are gorgeous.... the Egyptian Pharoh Rameses, beautiful nobel Lawrence the Raj, Francis the younger, ernest fellow whose nose seems a bit out of joint lately.  You are  glorious in how you show up, and how attractive you are, how you hold court.  People are leaving gifts at your door because of your radiance.  I wonder if you really know that about yourself.  It is funny how sometimes we don't really know how to receive.... I have been confounded by this too a lot in my life.

Anyway, I must go off and ski and then put posters up around town for our movie about the Transition Towns movement, and fundraising auction.... The snow is getting sinky and melty here.  Yesterday I did two face plants and skinned my elbow on a rock..... and today there is not much sun....however, I am committed, so off I creak.
Jane   

[Jana]

Nono, people show up to torture me, but I am immune to that now.
Athena is God!


I was at a wonderful workshop with Sophia Diaz over New Year's too,  and how awesome and how powerful this magnificent Feminine is..... I laughed when she said something like, 'when any of us really show up in our true radiance we mop up the world with the left lip of our vagina.  That is how powerful we are!"


Gross image, but I was listening to some audio on redice of Neil Kramer (thanks Jim) and he said that TV is like a poisonous potion to kill the divine feminine.

PS: Sofia is one of my fav. fems. I scared the shit out of her.

[Jane]

Ha, I didn't think it was a gross image at all, I thought is was very funny and powerful.  I have helped a lot of babies arrive, and I think those lips are that awesome...really! 

Sad about the ongoing torture-bearers,  and if you are convinced that there is nothing more than that going on, well, that is pretty much the end of the story for you in that regard. I am happy you have immunity, wings and a halo....Those will serve you well in the ether realm.
Jane

[jimtzu]

'when any of us really show up in our true radiance we mop up the world with the left lip of our vagina.  That is how powerful we are!"

    

i think we need a little Goddess smiley